yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize