i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.