Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...