i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.