What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen