He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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