I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
farters have to be the big spoon...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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