spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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