I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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