The maid of honor just puked.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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