found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I love you.
Bad choice
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