Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
