Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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