i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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