I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
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I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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