Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
