So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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