you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
