On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
