You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
