He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
