I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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