you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
