i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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