Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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