I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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