Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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