I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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