my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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