I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
