hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
