9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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