Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
