HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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