I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
