If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
