the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
