proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
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Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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