I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
