I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
