all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
