Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
