come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
