sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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