Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Randomize
