Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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