you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
