she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
