so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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