no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
