Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
