Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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