Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize