This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
