why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have fence marks all over my body
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
