I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
