Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
