# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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