If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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