I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
