i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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