I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
